i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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