i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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