he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
