im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
