I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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