Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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