dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
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Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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