Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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