): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
