So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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