sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
