Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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