my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
