you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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