You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
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My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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