My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
