she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Pooping to opera.
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