on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
