I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
