Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
