I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
