I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
