I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
