everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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