bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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