I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
