I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
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I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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