I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
