Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
