I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
