we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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