Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
