Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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