youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
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i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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