Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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