@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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