Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
NoShamevember. You game?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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