to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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