I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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