So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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