Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
wanna go halves on a baby?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
