I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
