just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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