And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
