i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
