Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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