i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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