if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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