i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
