Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
