hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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