think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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