great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
