you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
