remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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