Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
