So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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