There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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