I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
