Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
