You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
