I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
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my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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