Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
