she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm too high and old for this...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
