So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
