Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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