You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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