Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
