Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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