I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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