i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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