Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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