drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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