Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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