Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
