Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
