eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
